I think Ju brought out an interesting point that never occurred to me while I read--that this book depicts marriage in an unfavorable light. In some ways you could say it depicts men in an unfavorable light.
But I don't really agree with that. My essay (if it ever materializes) is going to be about how this book really emphasizes how important it is for women to have strong relationships with other women. This took me awhile to learn and Marjorie Hinckley was the one who finally convinced me that I wasn't a heretic for needing more than my husband could provide. Women do need women.
However, just because the book embraces and celebrates women's relationships with each other doesn't doesn't mean it bashes intergender relationships. For example, Zack, Zack's lawyer friend, and June's fiancee are all strong, good, male characters. The relationship with June and her fiancee is an especially good one to bring up for this particular discussion thread because both August and May thought that June was ridiculous to not marry him. They both encouraged her to do so--as did Rosalee (okay, I don't have the book in front of me for spelling--if I was one of my students I would lose a grade for laziness), despite Rosalee's bad marriage and June's previous poor experience. None of the "Daughters" were dismayed in any way by June's decision to get married--they were delighted.
Also, nobody was against Zack and Lily's relationship--well, they probably worried about them a little, but not because of the boy/girl thing, more the black/white thing, and even then they all seemed to pretty much take it in stride.
Another point is that August tried to explain to Lily that T. Ray wasn't always a terrible, bitter person--that Lily's mother had a lot to do with T. Ray's current state of mind and poor behavior. She had fallen out of love with him, still married him, was a depressed wreck with him, and left him with their young child and orchard to cope with. August never allowed Lily to put all the blame on T. Ray's shoulders and that in and of itself demonstrates that the author didn't have a negative man bias.
As for August's choosing not to marry--I thought it was an excellent reflection of the time period. Men really did dominate in marital relationships until just recently, and quite frankly, if I had been an educated woman of that time, I would have hesitated myself. You were literally putting your life in your husband's hands with no legal recourse and no recourse to spiritual leaders, or probably even your family. Therefore, I can't really see that as anti-marriage so much as August making a choice that she felt was best for her.
Then again, it really never occurred to me either time that I read it that the author was in any way anti-marriage. Maybe if I read it again I might see it more, but I think she made the book pro-women with enough good male characters in it that it seemed realistic more than anything else.
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Okay, I see your point about the need for woman to woman relationships. I, for one, have never had trouble realizing that in my life. I've always NEEDED that friendship with other women. So, maybe that's why I didn't see it in the book. And you can't underestimate that quote about the bees only having males when required (sorry, poor paraphrasing). I do agree that the Zack & Lily relationship was quite tender. I got a real sense of their emotions both of love and of fear. Very poignant part of the book.
I guess this book just reminds me of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood movie (book). I guess I've always taken these types of stories to be more about the "no need for a man" philosophy than the actual friendship aspect because it's almost like these ladies become stronger by not having men (usually negative examples of men) in thier lives. It's like they're all seeking refuge from the men in their lives rather than having a healthy friend relationship ALONG with a healthy male relationship (but I guess that wouldn't make a very interesting book, would it?). Now, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants - - that is a story about friendship.
First--your comment should have been posted as a post so we don't have to waste time pushing the comment button. That's why we are all authors.
Next, we REALLY read things differently. I read the Ya-Ya Sisterhood as a late coming-of-age novel where a young woman had to learn to accept the past so that she can embrace her future as a wife and mother.
Basically both the Life of Bees and Ya-Ya demonstrate how messed up kids are when they don't have a normal family and especially a healthy, there-for-you mother. And when kids have skewed perspectives of family from their own non-existent or troubled families, it makes it almost impossible for them to have good, healthy families and relationships of their own.
In both books, the mother stand-in women try to help the girl in need make sense of her own sad past so that she can embrace a future that involves a healthy relationship with a man and the real possibility of a happy family.
I didn't get anti-male in either of those books, or anti-marriage. In both books, most of the problems in the marriage stem from the mother's problems--not the father's. Also, in both books the father's provided what stability the child had--not the mother's.
The quote about the bees only needing males when necessary was a quote, in my mind, to point out that women shouldn't jump into relationships until they are at a healthy place. But I can definitely see why you saw it the other way.
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