Wednesday, June 18, 2008

More from Ju - on Bees

Okay, okay! I will get off my soapbox as well for the man-hater, no need for men, campaign that many nazi-women libers are preaching. Sorry! I just get sensetive on that subject. However, I do fully appreciate the comments both by Kami and Andrea about the need for girlfriends! I, for one, have always been VERY LUCKY in this department. Everywhere I've been I've had the close friend (or small group of friends) that have really strengthened and lifted me up more than any man could ever do (though J. has done remarkably well for my sanity as well!!!). That yearning for friendship among other women has always been inate with me - - i.e. Kelly, Andrea, and others strewn along my path. And, I do see where that point is coming from in The Life of Bees.

I also appreciated Andrea's comment that women largely base their beliefs of themselves through the eyes of other people. Why do we do that?! I am, as A & KR both know, very much one of those women. It goes back to my favorite quote (again, I'm sorry):

A lot of misery could be traced to this one mistaken notion [that] we need to be perfect for people to love us and we forfeit that love if we ever fall short of perfection. There are few emotions more capable of leaving us feeling bad about ourselves than the convistion that we don't deserve to be loved, and few ways more certain to generate that conviction than the idea that every time we do something wrong, we give God and the people closest to us reasons not to love us. - - Rabbi Kushner

Recently, I've not felt this close friendship. I've felt distanced from those around me. Not that I'm not social, have no friends, or think nobody likes me; but I have had a couple of experiences in the past year that have really hurt in that one person's opinion of me (someone who really was a very close friend for some time) have truly affected how I think about who I am as a person, a friend, a daughter of God. Suddenly, the word "friendship" has a different meaning for me and I have come to doubt the need for it in my life. It's almost like I'm trying to convince myself that I don't need friends, my family is all I need. Now, in once sense, it is true. Families can be forever (yadda, yadda, yadda) but I truly believe that the relationships we make in this life are just as eternal as that family bond, and it is in the relationships that we are strengthened and have a chance to grow. Sorry, this is not turning into a pity party!! I'm just saying, that it is essential to have those strengthening, woman-to-woman, friendship bonds in our lives as women and we need to not allow ourselves to believe that one mistake merits the feelings of being unloved. AND those are two very valid points made in The Secret Life of Bees.

As for you Andrea - - don't worry - - I knew what I was getting into the minute I wrote my essay!! :-)

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