Friday, April 8, 2011

Two cents worth from a lurker..


Sorry I have not posted for a while. Early pregnancy and I were not now I am starting to feel human again half way through.

On Kami's thoughts, Kelly's and Julia's, I tend to agree with all of them. I get what Julia is saying about how our happiness can be based on our expectations of ourselves. I tend to lean that way while still having expectations for others that they "should" measure up to. I am still this way on my bad days or when I am feeling out of control in my personal life. By personal I mean, my lack of self control or discipline.

I had a life changing experience about two years ago that really made me assess how I view and treat other people, my commitment to Heavenly Father, and made me take a hard look at myself and what it is I value. I won't go into details but I had to hit a hard wall(because I was just that proud) to see that I had way too many unrealistic expectations for myself and others and this was driving a wedge in my relationships with EVERYONE (including Heavenly Father).

I had to realize that while I could blame others for my problems the basic problem was in myself and I was the only one who could change me. I could not change others. Maybe you already know this principle but that was huge for me. Since I am a bit of a controlling person(aren't many women) I had to learn (because my life was out of control) that I could not control every little thing and that I didn't have to. There was someone I could trust absolutely for every little thing I thought important, someone who would not let me down, who knew so much better than I what was needed in every situation.

Once I realize this it was easier to realign my priorities in my personal life mission. I truly was stripped down, humbled, and able to write down what it is I felt I needed to do in this life, who I really was, my eternal nature, etc. I still go back and read what I wrote and it is as true today as it was written.

I, of course, still have tons of natural man in me so I have to pray everyday (as I did then) to have patience, to be led by Him in knowing what it is I should be doing that day, then I have to act. That is such a huge thing for me. I may hear the impressions but do I act on them all the time? Not as often as I would like or should. But when I do, my day is much different than I would have planned yet I get all the things done that I felt were important at the beginning of the day. Power from on high-love it!

Does any of this answer the questions posed? Probably not..but I wanted to share. A few books that I helped me when I was on this crash course were: Bonds that Make us Free by C. Terry Warner and Putting on the Armor of God by Stephen A Cramer. Anatomy of Peace and Peacegiver are other great reads for being able to see others and ourselves in different ways.

Summary: changing myself or perhaps choosing fully to be on the Lord's side has helped me in dealing with the day to day details of life. Helped me to learn to love, just a little, the drudgery that can come with a house full of little children; helped me to see my husband for the awesome man that he is. I caught a glimpse of how much my Heavenly Father loves me and that makes me want to be with Him again. Therefore, I will not complain anymore(okay, maybe not so loudly) about changing messy underwear or diapers. :)


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