Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Hormones are interesting

Kelly, that book sounds fascinating. I would, actually, like to hear about your issues. Most people I've told this to think I'm making it up, but I think I've been a lot more sensitive to hormonal changes since the molar pregnancy. What happens with a molar pregnancy is that the egg that is fertilized doesn't have a nucleus, so a mass of cells grow really, really fast. Cancer, essentially--though they don't treat it like cancer unless there is a recurrence.

I went through 12 weeks of pregnancy hormone increases in three weeks. Basically, I became mentally ill. Literally. I don't like to think about it, but I kept my kids locked in their rooms for several days (they would get out when Timothy came home and fed and whatnot) because I was afraid I was going to hurt them. My brain would be telling me to do something but I would be doing something completely different. It was very, very scary. And confusing. And hard to admit to anyone. I called my mom one day to ask for help and she told me to take a nap. Not her fault, but you can see how people can spiral out of control before anyone realizes there is a serious problem.

Anyway, since then, any hormonal fluctuations and I flip out. I switched birth control once, fairly recently, and my body freaked out. I had a miscarriage and my body FREAKED out. Pregnancy hasn't been as bad--I think it is because the hormones increase more gradually, but still--this summer was rough. Hormones is one of the main reasons I'm scared to have more kids--even though I want at least one more after this baby. I just hate feeling like I've ruined my family because I can't keep my actions in check.

Again, I can hear all the people in my head who I know would tell me I'm just justifying bad behavior.

Anyway--like I said, I'm very interested in the topic.

Currently I'm reading two books. The first one is Miracle of Forgiveness. No, I've never read it. A lady in my ward gave one of the best RS lessons I've ever heard about repentance, and now I'm motivated to learn more.

I'm also reading Pure Religion. It is the history of our modern church welfare program and it is RIVETING. Much more so than I imagined it would be. Love it. You should all read it. What has surprised me most, so far, is the emphasis on avoiding idleness as the key reason the program got started. Makes you think. Also, many stories are included about how DI and other assistance plans helped people get not just what they needed but also a few extra things that they wanted. The point has been made repeatedly that people are here on earth for joy, and that feeling deprived all the time doesn't encourage the feeling of joy. Also makes you think.

(There was one story about a little girl sent to the Bishop's Storehouse to get shoes, and she was so sad that she had to get the practical, ugly shoes. The Bishop--a literal Bishop--working there at the time insisted the girl take home a pretty red pair instead PLUS three little anklets that weren't on the original order. He said that watching that little girl bounce out of there with a mile-wide smile and a better sense of worth was EXACTLY what the welfare program is about. So, so interesting. Another story that made me cry and laugh was about a Scandinavian gentleman whose only skills were playing the violin and cutting hair. The man interviewing him for assistance told him to report the next day to work as a barber. Then the interviewer spent the rest of the night CREATING a barbershop in the storehouse so the man could have a job. Amazing. It was ready for operation by opening time the next morning.)

Like I said, the book is fantastic and has really made me think about fast offerings and taking things to DI in a slightly different way. You should all read it.

The end.

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