The Secret Life of Bees--more comments

So, I couldn't really call this an essay, because it is so horrid, hence it's title of more comments. It is certainly not my best writing, I didn't keep track of quotes again either, but with so much discussion going on about this book, maybe no one will notice my poor writing (and run-on sentences).

The importance of sisterhood is the main impression I came away with after reading this book. (Well, that may have been influenced somewhat by Andrea's comments on it). I tend to agree with Andrea on her viewpoints about this book, maybe because we are sisters. Lily was seeking a mother figure, which she found in August, but in general the support all the women gave each was an impressive example of sisterhood. I think Relief Society as it's meant to be would be similar to their friendships and support.

Personally, my best friend had always been my younger sister Kayli (the punk, lazy one who considers this blog too much work, rudie!), and I never relied much on other friends growing up. When Kayli married shortly after we went to college though, my friendship with Kayli abruptly changed. It was only when I married that once again I felt closer to her again. Also, my marriage made me feel much, much closer to Andrea too. With the stresses and problems unique to marriage, I needed more of a supportive sisterhood than the friendship sisterhood I had shared with my sisters before. Who else would I dare discuss the most intimitate of topics and the pains of doing the dishes? Recently, I have developed another close friendship and have so enjoyed having a sister of sorts nearby while my sisters are so far away. The support and understanding another woman can provide is unique, and while my husband is my confidante and closest friend, it's really a relationship on a whole different level (as it should be). Having another woman to discuss "womenly" issues and even sometimes husband-relationships is a wonderful thing. It's makes me feel more normal, if that makes sense--less out of control and more at peace with my life and how's it going. Plus sympathy is just nice once in a while.

The point of this tirade, is that the Daughters of Mary, form that kind of sisterhood. Not only do the actual sisters--May, August, and June--support each other, but they help and support the other women around them, from Rosaleen registering to vote to Lily's mother recovering from her breakdown, to the simple trouble of a husband spending money on a boat (I'd whine to my sisters about that too). I think that is beautiful and part of the special relationship women can share together. Yes, I turn to my husband for help and to be lifted up and I have no secrets from him whatsoever, which couldn't be and shouldn't be said of my sisters, but I am so glad I have the extended net of sisters as well. Personally, I don't think the author was male-negative, simply sisterhood focused. One of my favorite parts was when T. Ray was trying to take Lily home, and the other women arrived. "The four of them lined up beside us, clutching their pocketbooks up against their bodies like they might have to use them to beat the living hell out of somebody. I wondered how we must look to him. A bunch of women--"

Another Response

A few clarifications I had in response to Julia.

HOWEVER - - what kind of empowerment stories like this give women the strength to make the right decisions? To me these books are of women rebelling against the right decisions. Yes, August was a very educated woman and I'm very proud of what she made of herself (especially in that era !!!), but I still would like to see more empowerment stories like those that Kelly listed and more: Little Women, for one. I guess I would just like to see more empowerment stories in a positive light rather than a "running-away-from-the-terrible" type of a setting.

I never said that women were necessarily making the right choices in the book or nowadays, just simply observing that many want female empowerment stories to feel validated. I think I generally disassociate my perspective and beliefs of what is right or wrong from what the characters in the book beliefs are, simply because as LDS members I think we have a lot more knowledge and understanding than most people--it wouldn't work to hold them to our ideals when they don't know them. Also, I think "running-away-from-the-terrible" is not necessarily a bad thing. Having seen women in abusive relationships, I think it takes more strength to leave than to stay.

Also, as far as the town's people accepting Lily staying with the women, I don't think any of them knew till Lily visited the lawyer with Zach the first time. And it was shortly after that when May died and the sheriff or whatever told her she should move on.

And on the religion part, I personally believe that any religion in whatever form it comes in that helps people be better, kinder, and have any sort of belief in divinity is better than nothing and is still helpful for their eternal progression. If belief in Black Mary helped these women than I'm all for letting them follow their customs. Of course a belief in Christ would be preferable, but I think Christ would rather let them follow that than be spiritually starved and lacking any faith whatsoever. Just my opinion though.

Finally, My Say

Here's my comments on a few things that have been said. I plan on writing an essay (I do!) but my husband is home and wants me to come to bed. Who can resist that!??!

Question:Why did Sue Monk Kidd feel it was necessary to write this story for today's audience? By that I mean, what does a story that is set 4 decades ago have to offer to us today? What new lessons can we learn? Do women today still need stories about female strength? We seem to lap them up (ie Oprah's bookclub). But is it filling a need, or is it preaching to the choir? I can agree that the need WAS necessary...is it still? I'd like to hear your thoughts.

I think that woman today are more confused about their roles than ever before (because they have more options), which makes them more uncertain about the choices they've made and more subject to guilt about the things they may have given up. I think this leads to more women wanting female empowerment stories, so they can feel better about themselves and their choices. I think any story that has a "universal" theme (acceptance, belonging, love, redemption, etc) will always have something to offer, whether written or just set in a period 40, 100, or 500 yrs. ago.

So according to the Catholic Church, Mary does not supplant God - she helps them worship God and communicate with Jesus. I don't personally agree with all this, but I can see where they are coming from. Sue Monk Kidd's characters have totally removed God from the equation. I believe it's because he's a MAN that the author chose to remove him from the book. And that's mainly why I have a problem with it. It's not different religions that bother me - it's that this has taken female empowerment too far for my tastes.

In the book August says she purposefully chose the Black Madonna for the very reason of giving the women around her someone to identify with. I think the author didn't purposefully take God out because he was a man, more than she wanted her character to be able to give the women around her something more accessible. I like how August is intelligent, intelligent enough to know what she is doing when she is choosing that symbol for her friends.

Also, having been around many Catholics since my marriage and having a mother-in-law, who despite being LDS now, is still very Catholic in many of her ideas--I'd have to say that it is extremely common for Mary (or sometimes other saints) to completely supplant Christ in Catholicism. In Hispanic culture, many not only just pray to Mary, but they'll have specific Marys, like the Virgin of Guadalupe, Virgin of the Poor, Virgin of Rosario, Virgin of Sucor, etc. They know it's all the same Virgin Mary, but the way they treat the different titles and names, it's practically like they are seperate Marys; i.e. they'll light seperate candles for different Virgins, etc. Practice of religion, especially in Catholism, rarely follows the guidelines of the church. I guess it didn't bother me as much either (the whole Black Mary thing) because I've been exposed to a lot of Latin culture (inventors of the genre mystical/magical realism) where things are accepted a lot more readily which are ascribed to "magic." For instance my mother-in-law is always having dreams and whatnot that she interrupts and states means this and that, which I think is completely ridiculous. Or she'll completely accept this or that as a "sign." It drives me nuts, but that's a lot to do with the culture (not just my mother-in-law), and I think a lot of blacks have that in their culture as well.

My idea of religion in the south (which may or may not be accurate) has always been that whites often a harsher view of God than blacks. From what I've read, "black" religion was much warmer, kinder, and user-friendly. All that "Praise Jesus, Hallelujah" and gospel music shows happy people celebrating God and Jesus - not being scared of them! Would moderately educated black women in the south have created their own pseudo-religion? It seems far-fetched to me. AND I think Lily could have found the redemption she searched for from the classic Gospel of the Black South.

Having lived in the South, I have to say I disagree--not with the softer view of God-but the classic Gospel of Black South. I cannot count how many times while working night shift at the hospital conversation turned to witchcraft, voodoo, and the like---AND how many of my coworkers who were African American had had experiences with that sort of thing. From what I understand the mixing of African beliefs with Christianity has always been a part of Afro-American culture, which falls right into place with the Black Mary beliefs described in this book.