Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The Connected Child

I read this book because I have an adopted daughter that I am struggling to connect with. I thought it was exceptional. There were several chapters applicable only to adopted and foster children, however the rest of it I would recommend to any parent.

Here's a few of the gems I found personally beneficial:

1)A lot of my daughter's behaviors that drive me insane aren't her personality--it's a result of where she began and are coping/survival mechanisms. I actually was surprised at how many behaviors they listed that my daughter does, almost word for word. It makes it easier to be compassionate (another thing they stress).

2) I really liked Ch. 5--"Teaching Life Values." It was great because it gave clear, usable strategies (backed up with research)that are things I could instantly implement.

3) Ditto that with Ch. 6--"You Are the Boss." I've already have been trying a lot of their recommended corrective approaches with my daughter. What surprised me at first, is that even though I stay calmer, she gets more mad. Especially when I make her do "re-dos." It does make sense though. Before I would just yell at her and then we'd move on, now it's much more involved and requires her to respond to me and practice, and takes way more of her time and energy. However, I have high hopes that it will help. I know yelling won't help a thing.

4) I read Ch. 7--"Dealing with Defiance" out loud to my husband. Definitely things we plan on using there.

5) I also thought it was useful that they directed two chapters in particular to the parents. They gave overviews of different parenting styles(ie permissive, authoritative, or authoritarian)--I'm definitely authoritarian and avoidant. Yeah, I need to work on that. It just gave perspective on how parents have issues to work on too.

No comments: