Okay, this is the last of the books I picked up when checking out child development books. (So I'm easily distracted, what can I say.) It was an interesting read, but annoying too because I found the author's style of writing distracting and poorly planned. For instance, he jumped around so frequently without any explanation that I had a hard time following which culture he was talking about, despite the fact that I already knew most of the information he was presenting. Also, his own personal biases were hard to miss (as when talking about the big bang theory--he's actually very much a creationalist).
He starts out the book by explaining that most of Europe and US teach Greeks were the great scientists, Arabs acted as storehouse of Greek knowledge until it was rediscovered again during the Renaissance. That was what I was taught, by the way. He then cited how a more PC, multi-cultural approach is becoming popular and how he thought it was hogwash and so started to write a book on how it really was the Greeks--only to find that that's not correct and the multi-cultural approach is more accurate. All well and good, if only it had come across as sincere and not a gimmick. However, throughout the books there's little comments here and there ridiculing the societies and concepts he's vaulting as so advanced, which was more convincing that he truly had begun writing a book saying the Greeks were the only advanced society in the way of the sciences, yet at the same time it came across really crass. I think he meant them to be funny, only they weren't.
I did enjoy his explanation of why so much of non-Greek science is dismissed; mostly because it was used for religious and superstitious reasons, (yet religion still plays such a large role in our society and science to this day). Or because the sciences were only used for practical purposes, or how things which had no proof were dismissed, or because things were only theorized yet not experimented upon they were dismissed, or because things were only experimented upon and not theorized they were dismissed. (Yes, notice the double standards?) For instance, the Indians, Babylonians, and Egyptians all used the Pythagorian theorem centuries before Pythagoras, in fact Pythagoras is thought to have learned it in his travels East and only created a proof when his less numeral-literate countrymen wouldn't believe it. His proof is really his major contribution. And also how Copernicus when making his model of the universe used two theorems of math that he offered no proof or explanation for, yet were *new* to Europe, and are considered by some mathematicians as important as his solar system model. Copernicus didn't act like they were new, because they weren't new. He studied at Padua, where Arab texts were readily available, and the theorems, discovered by Arabs, were well known and well documented in Arab texts there. However in Europe at that time, attributing anything to Arabs would have been suicide. And those stories go on and on.
Another random note: Stigler's law of eponymy--formulated by statistician Stephen Stigler states that no scientific discovery is named after it's original discoverer, which is true even of Stigler's law. Hee. Hee.
My favorite chapter was on Cosmology. He points out how our cosmology (the Big Bang) is treated like a religion and quotes cosmologist Edward Harrison, "The universe in which we live, or think we live, is mostly a world of our own making. The real Universe is unknown; it is everything, and we will never know what it is in its own right, independent of our changing opinions. There are, however, universes, which are our models of the Universe, and cosmology is a study of these universes. A universe is a mask fitted on the face of the unknown Universe. Our universe is the only rational universe. Ones that came before us are mythologies. Contemporaries who disagree with our cosmology are crackpots. Cosmoslogy is a new-time religion." Those disagreeing contemporaries committ professional suicide. (As a side note, I found it interesting that instead of discussing ancient advances in cosmology, almost the whole chapter is ridiculing our current big bang theory. Again, not that I disagree, I just find it amusing. Although he mocked Stephen Hawking too--Ruff!) He does point out how similar our Big Bang theory is to Indian cosmology. Indians are very abstact thinkers, I have to say. I loved just thinking about this (from a 9th century Hindu text):
Some foolish men declare that Creator made the world....
If God created the world, where was he before creation?
If you say he was transcendent then, and needed no support, where is he now?
No single being had the skill to make this world--
For how can an immaterial god create that which is material?
How could God have made the world without any raw material?
If you say he made this first, and then the world, you are faced with endless regression.
If you declare that this raw material arose naturally you fall into another fallacy.
For the whole universe might thus have been its own creator, and arisen equally naturally.
Know that the world is uncreated, as time itself is, without beginning and end....
Uncreated and indestructible, it endures under the compulsion of its own nature.
The author suggests to read the above paragraph again and substitue "Big Bang" in for God and Creator. Fun stuff. Or here's a Maori chant that he compared to an alternative theory of a plasma universe.
From the nothing the begetting
From the nothing the increase
...The power of increasing
The Living Breath;
It dwelt with the empty space,
And produced the atmosphere which is above us
...The great firmament above us dwelt with the early dawn
And the moon sprung forth;
The atmosphere above us dwelt with the heat,
And thence proceeded the sun
...Then the heavens became light.
In another chapter about physics, he talks about Zoroastrianism (the Babylonian religion), and how their physics interprets light and darkness not only as physical but also as God is light literally, and the Devil is darkness, literally. From that came another belief system where two opposing brothers suggest a theory of matter and energy. Where the one brother makes a world of pure light, and then later a second world that was material in nature. The material world was conquered by his evil brother, thus all physical existence became a mixture of good and evil, light and darkness. Anyway, that whole chapter was intereting too. Again, the Indians, have a complex way of looking at the universe, but so often it ties right into what scientists now believe (like the string theory, and quantum physics.) Fascinating.
Now I really need to go do the breakfast dishes as it is almost noon and time for lunch. Ouch.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Great Books and Great Quote
I am getting inspired about history right now by reading stuff by Will Durant. One of the books I read has my new favorite quote ever!! It's just beautiful. It's from "The Greatest Minds and Ideas of All Time."
The illustrious ancients, when they wished to make clear and to propogate the hightest virtures in the world, put their states in proper order. Before putting their states in proper order, they regulated their families. Before regulating their families , they cultivated their own selves. Before cultivating their own selves, they perfected their souls. Before perfecting their soulds, they tried to be sincere in their thoughts. Before trying to be sincere in their thoughts, they extended to the utmost their knowledge. Such investigation of knowledge lay in the investigation of things, and in seeing them as they really were. When things were thus investigated, knowledge became complete. When knowledge was complete, their thoughts were sincere. When their thoughts were sincere, their souls became perfect. When their souls were perfect, their own selves became cultivated. When their selves were cultivated, their families became regulated. When their families were regulated, their states came to be put into proper order. When their states were in proper order, then the whole world became peaceful and happy.
The illustrious ancients, when they wished to make clear and to propogate the hightest virtures in the world, put their states in proper order. Before putting their states in proper order, they regulated their families. Before regulating their families , they cultivated their own selves. Before cultivating their own selves, they perfected their souls. Before perfecting their soulds, they tried to be sincere in their thoughts. Before trying to be sincere in their thoughts, they extended to the utmost their knowledge. Such investigation of knowledge lay in the investigation of things, and in seeing them as they really were. When things were thus investigated, knowledge became complete. When knowledge was complete, their thoughts were sincere. When their thoughts were sincere, their souls became perfect. When their souls were perfect, their own selves became cultivated. When their selves were cultivated, their families became regulated. When their families were regulated, their states came to be put into proper order. When their states were in proper order, then the whole world became peaceful and happy.
Nurture Shock
This was one of the books I picked up when looking for a childhood development book. It just caught my attention. (As a side note, I didn't like any of the books I picked up on childhood development--either too scientifically intense, not scientific enough, and/or outdated--I want one that my husband would be willing to browse through--in other words, to the point and short. Anyone have any suggestions? Please?) But back to the book. I really didn't like it overall. It was written by a couple who were surprised from some research that has come out recently on different topics and they combined them all in one book. Some of it was interesting. Some not so much. And some, well, I'll get to slamming it later. Here's an overview.
Ch. 1 (My favorite chapter) Praise: The point of the chapter was that too much praise is bad for kids. They stop trying to do hard things for fear they'll fail and when they've only got praise all their lives, they don't feel comfortable with that. Research shows that under the age of 7 kids will take all praise at face value, after that kids are as suspicious of it as adults. By 12, most kids have figured out that adults will praise a kid who's struggling even more, and so react negatively to praise. A study from Stanford Univ and Reed College discovered that students exposed to liberal amounts of praise have "shorter task persistence, more eye-checking, and inflected speech such that the answers have the intonation of questions." Heavily praised students drop out of college classes rather than suffer a mediocre grade, and have a hard time picking a major--afraid to commit lest they not succeed. Also highly praised children are more image conscience, competitive, more likely to cheat, and more likely to tear other students down. In a study with Chinese parents and American parents, kids were given a test with a break in the middle, where the parents were told their kids were below average (not true), Chinese mothers were more likely to discuss the test and American mothers more likely to carefully avoid negative comments. Chinese kids' scores went up 33%, American kids' scores half that. Most significantly people praised less in the long run are better able to go through long periods of delayed gratification and score high in persistence. (As a side note to that, my good friend from England mentioned how insanely we praise kids in America--they don't do that in France or England. She'd often mock the parents that would praise their kids for swinging at the ball without hitting anything, for example, or even just standing at home plate and holding the bat.)
Ch. 2 (Also liked this chapter.) Sleep: Sleep matters in academic performance, emotional stability, ADHD, and obesity. Many hallmarks of the teenage years, moodiness, depression, binge eating, are now believed to be actually sleep deprivation more than anything else. On sixth graders a study showed that a loss of one hour of sleep a night is equivalent to the loss of two years cognitive maturation and development in their behavior and schoolwork the next day. Sleep disorders can impair a children's IQ as much as lead exposure. This is because what is learned the day is stored and connected while sleeping--different levels of sleep connect to different locations of the brain--since the brain is still growing and maturing in a child this is especially important for them. In fact their slow-wave sleep stage in which this occurs is 10x's the length of adults. Positive and neutral memories are processed in the hippocampus, negative ones in the amygdala. The hippocampus is hit harder by sleep deprivation, hence people tend to be depressed when sleep deprived because they remember more negative things. Students with A's averaged 15 mins more sleep than B students, and B students averaged 15 more mins than C students, etc. Also talked about starting high schools later because of teenage circadian shift. Also, a study done by the Univ. of Texas showed that obese children watch the same amount of TV as skinny kids, only they get way less sleep. In fact when kids had less than 10 hrs of sleep, their chance of obesity when up 80% with each hour missed. Sleep loss increases the hormone ghrelin which signals hunger and decreases leptin which suppresses appetite. Also it disrupts the release of human growth hormone which helps breakdown fat, and it elevates your cortisol levels which signals the body to store fat.
Ch. 3 Race: Basically kids can tell when someone is black, or white, or green, or purple, and not talking about it is not going to raise them color blind, and in fact it may have the opposite effect because they don't know your feelings on the subject. Talking to your kids about race in a meaningful way is the best way to improve their racial attitudes. And under six is the age to do it. On the flip side, minorities that talk about race and parents give preparation-for-bias warnings often vs. occasionally (which is good), the kids tend not to link effort to success and to write off failures as prejudice. Studies show kids are developmentally prone to in-group favoritism. Young kids never think groups are random. Also exposing your child to a diverse environment is not enough. In diverse high schools there's actually more in-grouping than at not very diverse schools. Basically they have increased opportunities to interact but also far more opportunities to reject each other. Also, kids at these schools who were darker skin toned tended to be more successful than minority kids with lighter skin tones, because their already have visible acceptance in their group, and are less likely to be accused of "acting white," while kids with lighter skin tones actually acted more in keeping with their image of the minority identity to solidify their status within the group.
Ch. 4 Lying: 3 yr olds rarely lie. 80% of 4 yr. olds lie (about once every 2 hours). 6 yr old lie about once every hour (but often grow out of it). If they're still lying frequently by age seven, then they're likely to continue. Parents rarely punish lying when kids are trying to cover up, they just punish the initial transgression. Young kids think any deception is wrong--mistakes are no excuses. As they get older they realize that some types are okay. Lying is related to intelligence, the smarter the kid the better the liar. Most lie to get out of trouble when little, at elementary level, it's more complex (telling secrets, attention, coping, etc.) Parents telling kids not to tattle is to stop power struggles among the kids. However, 9 out of 10 times a child tattles, they're telling the truth. Parents are ten times more likely to chastise a child who tattles vs a child who lies. For every one time a child seeks a parents help, fourteen instances occur where the child was wronged and didn't ask for help.
Ch. 5. Testing for Giftedness: People are pathetic--basically the whole chapter is about testing three year olds' IQ to get them into gifted preschools and kindergarten. Third grade is the earliest researchers recommend for any testing and really nothing is very final about a child's brain till 12. Once in a gifted program they rarely take kids out, so remedial classes have started in some schools for "gifted" kids, instead of just putting them back into a normal classroom. Lamesauce. Also emotional IQ is really overrated in kids. This is where the book started to go downhill for me, because personally, I wouldn't be pursuing a gifted preschool anyway--the authors were quite obviously the type of parents who would be.
Ch. 6 Siblings: Siblings mostly fight over things, not their parents attention. Siblings don't have to be polite to each other, and they have no incentive to be kind compared to friends. Sibling relationships are "remarkably stable," except when major life changing events occur. Net positive interactions vs. net negative interactions are what matter. Teaching a child proactive skills on how to initiate play that they both can enjoy is more successful than teaching conflict resolution. Age spacing is not a good predictor of future relationships, nor is gender--the best predictor is how well the older child gets along with his best friend before the younger child is born--because with friends they have to learn good mutual play--especially fantasy play.
Ch. 7 Teenage Rebellion: Traumatic teenage years is the exception not the norm. The type of parents who were lied to the least by teenagers had rules and consistently enforced them but were willing to be flexible. Parents sulk more after a fight than teenagers--teenagers find arguing productive. (In truth, I found this chapter sparse and the claims poorly backed-up--not that I disagree with his general argument of rebellion not being the norm, it was just didn't have the substance that the first two chapters had.)
Ch. 8 Self-Control: Self-discipline is a better predictor of kids' school performances than IQ. Children with above average IQ and executive functioning (self control) were 300% more likely to do well in math than kids with above average IQ alone. Also, it can be taught. (Again, this chapter was really sparsely detailed.)
Ch. 9 Aggression: There's a difference between relational aggression (bossy, controlling, manipulative) and physical aggression. And while physical aggression goes up with kids watching violent television shows, relational aggression also goes up with viewing basically any show (Arthur for instance) that shows name calling, siblings disliking each other, etc; and the correlation is 2.5 times higher for the relational aggression than the physical aggression. 96% of all children's programming includes verbal insults and put-downs, averaging 7.7 put-downs per half an hour. 67% of programs specifically considered prosocial still had insults. (This annoys me, he quotes that statistic than quotes Spongebob as an example--who ever thought Spongebob was prosocial??!? Bad example.) 84% of the time after an insult the response was a laugh or nothing--out of 2,628 instances in one study, only in 50 was the insulter reprimanded or corrected. (This is why I like Charlie and Lola, no insults, siblings playing happily. Love it.) Also mentioned that children seeing their parents fight (if not overly combative) is not bad for the kids as long as the kids see the resolution. Another point, 90% of American parents use physical punishment, and while spanking had been linked to aggression--in all of those studies only Caucasian families participated. When they finally studied minorities, they found this doesn't hold true at all. In fact, in one study of black families, the more a child was spanked the less aggressive they were (and the black families spanked a little more than white families but not much). Researchers concluded this was due to the fact that black families take spanking as an ordinary consequence, white families saved it for the worst offenses and usually when the parent had lost their temper--marking the child as deviant and deserving of a special punishment, hence affecting them more. The results of the black families was replicated in another study of Conservative Protestants that on average spanked their kids 3 or more times a week. No increase aggression there. Zero-tolerance for bullying is not really that helpful--it's been shown to increase the anxiety of kids--not of other kids, but of the rules themselves and authority figures. Also, most bullies are actually the kids who are the most popular, well-liked, and admired. Nonaggressive kids just generally lack the savvy and confidence to assert themselves more often. Relationally aggressive kids are extremely sensitive and and socially intelligent, hence being able to master his social network, be subtle and strategic. Aggressive behavior is coveted because it shows a willingness to defy grown-ups (especially true for tweens and teens) and they often use bi-strategic control--being kind and cruel. Generally the same kids are responsible for both prosocial and antisocial acts--they are just in the middle of everything, socially busy. And those kids are well-like by teachers too, and generally end-up very successful. Also because we segregate kids so much by age, and they're with their peers constantly (play dates, teams, texting) that social ranking has become increasingly important. Ave. teen spends 60 hours with peers a week and 16 with adults. And finally, "progressive" dads had poorer marital quality and rated their family functioning lower than dads who took traditional roles. Basically progressive dads were more inconsistent and permissive in their discipline than traditional fathers, with the result that children of progressive dads acted out as much as children with disengaged dads--traditional dads had the best behaved children.
Ch. 10 Speech Development: Here's where it really bugged me. First, a whole chapter earlier on how IQ is developing and indeterminable till age 11 at least, and then a whole chapter on how to get your kids to talk faster??? Umm. Ridiculous. But for those of you curious, Baby Einstein is about the worst thing you can show your infants. Kids watching regular tv develop speech faster than Baby Einstein viewers. Also, just talking a lot to your baby won't help either. Actually responding to your child cooing and gooing does help. Duh. Baby talk and using motion helps as well.
Sorry that was long. I am tired. Time to sleep--since now I know all the consequences of sleep deprivation.
Ch. 1 (My favorite chapter) Praise: The point of the chapter was that too much praise is bad for kids. They stop trying to do hard things for fear they'll fail and when they've only got praise all their lives, they don't feel comfortable with that. Research shows that under the age of 7 kids will take all praise at face value, after that kids are as suspicious of it as adults. By 12, most kids have figured out that adults will praise a kid who's struggling even more, and so react negatively to praise. A study from Stanford Univ and Reed College discovered that students exposed to liberal amounts of praise have "shorter task persistence, more eye-checking, and inflected speech such that the answers have the intonation of questions." Heavily praised students drop out of college classes rather than suffer a mediocre grade, and have a hard time picking a major--afraid to commit lest they not succeed. Also highly praised children are more image conscience, competitive, more likely to cheat, and more likely to tear other students down. In a study with Chinese parents and American parents, kids were given a test with a break in the middle, where the parents were told their kids were below average (not true), Chinese mothers were more likely to discuss the test and American mothers more likely to carefully avoid negative comments. Chinese kids' scores went up 33%, American kids' scores half that. Most significantly people praised less in the long run are better able to go through long periods of delayed gratification and score high in persistence. (As a side note to that, my good friend from England mentioned how insanely we praise kids in America--they don't do that in France or England. She'd often mock the parents that would praise their kids for swinging at the ball without hitting anything, for example, or even just standing at home plate and holding the bat.)
Ch. 2 (Also liked this chapter.) Sleep: Sleep matters in academic performance, emotional stability, ADHD, and obesity. Many hallmarks of the teenage years, moodiness, depression, binge eating, are now believed to be actually sleep deprivation more than anything else. On sixth graders a study showed that a loss of one hour of sleep a night is equivalent to the loss of two years cognitive maturation and development in their behavior and schoolwork the next day. Sleep disorders can impair a children's IQ as much as lead exposure. This is because what is learned the day is stored and connected while sleeping--different levels of sleep connect to different locations of the brain--since the brain is still growing and maturing in a child this is especially important for them. In fact their slow-wave sleep stage in which this occurs is 10x's the length of adults. Positive and neutral memories are processed in the hippocampus, negative ones in the amygdala. The hippocampus is hit harder by sleep deprivation, hence people tend to be depressed when sleep deprived because they remember more negative things. Students with A's averaged 15 mins more sleep than B students, and B students averaged 15 more mins than C students, etc. Also talked about starting high schools later because of teenage circadian shift. Also, a study done by the Univ. of Texas showed that obese children watch the same amount of TV as skinny kids, only they get way less sleep. In fact when kids had less than 10 hrs of sleep, their chance of obesity when up 80% with each hour missed. Sleep loss increases the hormone ghrelin which signals hunger and decreases leptin which suppresses appetite. Also it disrupts the release of human growth hormone which helps breakdown fat, and it elevates your cortisol levels which signals the body to store fat.
Ch. 3 Race: Basically kids can tell when someone is black, or white, or green, or purple, and not talking about it is not going to raise them color blind, and in fact it may have the opposite effect because they don't know your feelings on the subject. Talking to your kids about race in a meaningful way is the best way to improve their racial attitudes. And under six is the age to do it. On the flip side, minorities that talk about race and parents give preparation-for-bias warnings often vs. occasionally (which is good), the kids tend not to link effort to success and to write off failures as prejudice. Studies show kids are developmentally prone to in-group favoritism. Young kids never think groups are random. Also exposing your child to a diverse environment is not enough. In diverse high schools there's actually more in-grouping than at not very diverse schools. Basically they have increased opportunities to interact but also far more opportunities to reject each other. Also, kids at these schools who were darker skin toned tended to be more successful than minority kids with lighter skin tones, because their already have visible acceptance in their group, and are less likely to be accused of "acting white," while kids with lighter skin tones actually acted more in keeping with their image of the minority identity to solidify their status within the group.
Ch. 4 Lying: 3 yr olds rarely lie. 80% of 4 yr. olds lie (about once every 2 hours). 6 yr old lie about once every hour (but often grow out of it). If they're still lying frequently by age seven, then they're likely to continue. Parents rarely punish lying when kids are trying to cover up, they just punish the initial transgression. Young kids think any deception is wrong--mistakes are no excuses. As they get older they realize that some types are okay. Lying is related to intelligence, the smarter the kid the better the liar. Most lie to get out of trouble when little, at elementary level, it's more complex (telling secrets, attention, coping, etc.) Parents telling kids not to tattle is to stop power struggles among the kids. However, 9 out of 10 times a child tattles, they're telling the truth. Parents are ten times more likely to chastise a child who tattles vs a child who lies. For every one time a child seeks a parents help, fourteen instances occur where the child was wronged and didn't ask for help.
Ch. 5. Testing for Giftedness: People are pathetic--basically the whole chapter is about testing three year olds' IQ to get them into gifted preschools and kindergarten. Third grade is the earliest researchers recommend for any testing and really nothing is very final about a child's brain till 12. Once in a gifted program they rarely take kids out, so remedial classes have started in some schools for "gifted" kids, instead of just putting them back into a normal classroom. Lamesauce. Also emotional IQ is really overrated in kids. This is where the book started to go downhill for me, because personally, I wouldn't be pursuing a gifted preschool anyway--the authors were quite obviously the type of parents who would be.
Ch. 6 Siblings: Siblings mostly fight over things, not their parents attention. Siblings don't have to be polite to each other, and they have no incentive to be kind compared to friends. Sibling relationships are "remarkably stable," except when major life changing events occur. Net positive interactions vs. net negative interactions are what matter. Teaching a child proactive skills on how to initiate play that they both can enjoy is more successful than teaching conflict resolution. Age spacing is not a good predictor of future relationships, nor is gender--the best predictor is how well the older child gets along with his best friend before the younger child is born--because with friends they have to learn good mutual play--especially fantasy play.
Ch. 7 Teenage Rebellion: Traumatic teenage years is the exception not the norm. The type of parents who were lied to the least by teenagers had rules and consistently enforced them but were willing to be flexible. Parents sulk more after a fight than teenagers--teenagers find arguing productive. (In truth, I found this chapter sparse and the claims poorly backed-up--not that I disagree with his general argument of rebellion not being the norm, it was just didn't have the substance that the first two chapters had.)
Ch. 8 Self-Control: Self-discipline is a better predictor of kids' school performances than IQ. Children with above average IQ and executive functioning (self control) were 300% more likely to do well in math than kids with above average IQ alone. Also, it can be taught. (Again, this chapter was really sparsely detailed.)
Ch. 9 Aggression: There's a difference between relational aggression (bossy, controlling, manipulative) and physical aggression. And while physical aggression goes up with kids watching violent television shows, relational aggression also goes up with viewing basically any show (Arthur for instance) that shows name calling, siblings disliking each other, etc; and the correlation is 2.5 times higher for the relational aggression than the physical aggression. 96% of all children's programming includes verbal insults and put-downs, averaging 7.7 put-downs per half an hour. 67% of programs specifically considered prosocial still had insults. (This annoys me, he quotes that statistic than quotes Spongebob as an example--who ever thought Spongebob was prosocial??!? Bad example.) 84% of the time after an insult the response was a laugh or nothing--out of 2,628 instances in one study, only in 50 was the insulter reprimanded or corrected. (This is why I like Charlie and Lola, no insults, siblings playing happily. Love it.) Also mentioned that children seeing their parents fight (if not overly combative) is not bad for the kids as long as the kids see the resolution. Another point, 90% of American parents use physical punishment, and while spanking had been linked to aggression--in all of those studies only Caucasian families participated. When they finally studied minorities, they found this doesn't hold true at all. In fact, in one study of black families, the more a child was spanked the less aggressive they were (and the black families spanked a little more than white families but not much). Researchers concluded this was due to the fact that black families take spanking as an ordinary consequence, white families saved it for the worst offenses and usually when the parent had lost their temper--marking the child as deviant and deserving of a special punishment, hence affecting them more. The results of the black families was replicated in another study of Conservative Protestants that on average spanked their kids 3 or more times a week. No increase aggression there. Zero-tolerance for bullying is not really that helpful--it's been shown to increase the anxiety of kids--not of other kids, but of the rules themselves and authority figures. Also, most bullies are actually the kids who are the most popular, well-liked, and admired. Nonaggressive kids just generally lack the savvy and confidence to assert themselves more often. Relationally aggressive kids are extremely sensitive and and socially intelligent, hence being able to master his social network, be subtle and strategic. Aggressive behavior is coveted because it shows a willingness to defy grown-ups (especially true for tweens and teens) and they often use bi-strategic control--being kind and cruel. Generally the same kids are responsible for both prosocial and antisocial acts--they are just in the middle of everything, socially busy. And those kids are well-like by teachers too, and generally end-up very successful. Also because we segregate kids so much by age, and they're with their peers constantly (play dates, teams, texting) that social ranking has become increasingly important. Ave. teen spends 60 hours with peers a week and 16 with adults. And finally, "progressive" dads had poorer marital quality and rated their family functioning lower than dads who took traditional roles. Basically progressive dads were more inconsistent and permissive in their discipline than traditional fathers, with the result that children of progressive dads acted out as much as children with disengaged dads--traditional dads had the best behaved children.
Ch. 10 Speech Development: Here's where it really bugged me. First, a whole chapter earlier on how IQ is developing and indeterminable till age 11 at least, and then a whole chapter on how to get your kids to talk faster??? Umm. Ridiculous. But for those of you curious, Baby Einstein is about the worst thing you can show your infants. Kids watching regular tv develop speech faster than Baby Einstein viewers. Also, just talking a lot to your baby won't help either. Actually responding to your child cooing and gooing does help. Duh. Baby talk and using motion helps as well.
Sorry that was long. I am tired. Time to sleep--since now I know all the consequences of sleep deprivation.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Read this
Kayli sent me this essay to read. I thought it was . . . a good evaluation of reality. Don't be turned off that it is called "The Captivity of Marriage." Poor and misleading title choice. Read it. Do it. Just want to know if any of it resonates with any of ya'll.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
I am only on federalist paper number 4. However, I am determined to finish it. The reason it is taking me so long is that I am reading it concurrent with The Making of America, The Real George Washington, and Free Culture. I am also taking a 6 week course on the Constitution. So, they all have to do with freedom, the founding of America and the Constitution and I am loving it! By the way, George Washington was AMAZING! And this is a very well written biography.
By the way, have any of you been on PAPERBACKSWAP.COM? I love this website. Basically you swap books through the mail. The first time you sign up you post ten books you are willing to give away and you get two free book credits. So, all books are the price of shipping--around 3.00. Even if it is a book that is $30 on Amazon. YEah!
By the way, have any of you been on PAPERBACKSWAP.COM? I love this website. Basically you swap books through the mail. The first time you sign up you post ten books you are willing to give away and you get two free book credits. So, all books are the price of shipping--around 3.00. Even if it is a book that is $30 on Amazon. YEah!
Sorry if this doesn't make sense-- I am extremely tired
Wow! I am so interested in reading both Why Gender Matters and Simplicity Parenting. Thank you for sharing!
I just finished reading the first three books of a series called Elsie Dinsmore.
I really liked the first two books. The storyline is kind of like a child's Uncle Tom's Cabin. In both books the main characters are truly trying to do anything and everything for the Savior. They both go through tremendous trials and temptations to give in and not live up to their personal code of standards. (Level six thinking--from Teach Like Your Hair's On Fire.) I can see people saying this book was a little preachy, but it was exactly what I needed to read. Here was this little girl who constantly had a prayer in her heart, and truly did love the Savior above everyone else. For example, when people were really mean and unjust to her, if she felt the first stirrings of anger in her heart, she immediately knelt to pray and repent and ask for help for those feelings to be taken away. Her most fervent desire was to be like the Savior. I can't stop thinking about this. Do I ponder and think that much about the Savior? Is He my best friend like He should be? Do I love him above anyone and everything else? In fact, the big test is whether she will love her earthly father more than her Savior or if she will follow the Savior at all costs. This little girl was so completely obedient to her earthly father (When it didn't conflict with her principles) because the scriptures say to honor your parents. And her dad was really strict and sometimes mean. I know that her character was a little too perfect, but I guess I like stories like this because I love Uncle Tom's Cabin and Jane Eyre and Freckles and it is the same with their characters. Oh well. Anyway, I think what I love about it is the symbolism of how obedient we ought to be to our Heavenly Father. I loved her obedience too because it is so different than today's culture. In fact, the next book I read was called In The Palace of the King by F. Marion Crawford. In this book the daughter is not obedient to her father. And I cringed! I don't think I would even have noticed if I wasn't comparing her to Elsie Dinsmore. But both books did a good job of showing how most of the time their fathers had good reasons for any commandments they gave. Heavenly Father ALWAYS has perfect reasons for His commandments. Just because we don't know the reasons, does not mean they don't exist. That is where trust and faith come in. Anyway, both good books. Crawford's book was very well written, but she ruined it with one sentence at the end of the book--grr!
I just finished reading the first three books of a series called Elsie Dinsmore.
I really liked the first two books. The storyline is kind of like a child's Uncle Tom's Cabin. In both books the main characters are truly trying to do anything and everything for the Savior. They both go through tremendous trials and temptations to give in and not live up to their personal code of standards. (Level six thinking--from Teach Like Your Hair's On Fire.) I can see people saying this book was a little preachy, but it was exactly what I needed to read. Here was this little girl who constantly had a prayer in her heart, and truly did love the Savior above everyone else. For example, when people were really mean and unjust to her, if she felt the first stirrings of anger in her heart, she immediately knelt to pray and repent and ask for help for those feelings to be taken away. Her most fervent desire was to be like the Savior. I can't stop thinking about this. Do I ponder and think that much about the Savior? Is He my best friend like He should be? Do I love him above anyone and everything else? In fact, the big test is whether she will love her earthly father more than her Savior or if she will follow the Savior at all costs. This little girl was so completely obedient to her earthly father (When it didn't conflict with her principles) because the scriptures say to honor your parents. And her dad was really strict and sometimes mean. I know that her character was a little too perfect, but I guess I like stories like this because I love Uncle Tom's Cabin and Jane Eyre and Freckles and it is the same with their characters. Oh well. Anyway, I think what I love about it is the symbolism of how obedient we ought to be to our Heavenly Father. I loved her obedience too because it is so different than today's culture. In fact, the next book I read was called In The Palace of the King by F. Marion Crawford. In this book the daughter is not obedient to her father. And I cringed! I don't think I would even have noticed if I wasn't comparing her to Elsie Dinsmore. But both books did a good job of showing how most of the time their fathers had good reasons for any commandments they gave. Heavenly Father ALWAYS has perfect reasons for His commandments. Just because we don't know the reasons, does not mean they don't exist. That is where trust and faith come in. Anyway, both good books. Crawford's book was very well written, but she ruined it with one sentence at the end of the book--grr!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Readings
Have any of you read "The Maze Runner" (Dashner)? I finished it last week. I thought it was pretty good. Similar to "The Hunger Games" if you've read that, but I think I like "The Hunger Games" better. However, there is a sequel to Maze Runner and if it's better that the sequel to Hunger Games (which I thought was pretty much just a repeat, albeit an intense one, of the first book), then that would be good. The Maze Runner sequel is coming out in October.
I've also been reading "Beekeeping for Dummies". My daughter has done two years of Beekeeping through 4H and both she and my husband want to keep bees. I thought I'd better figure out what they're so excited about. :-) It laid to rest some of my initial concerns. Bees are quite interesting. I'm sure you could do a whole Gospel study on the nature of bees and the symbolism involved in all that.
I checked out "Hungry Planet" from the library. Great pictures. Interesting information.
I've also been reading "Beekeeping for Dummies". My daughter has done two years of Beekeeping through 4H and both she and my husband want to keep bees. I thought I'd better figure out what they're so excited about. :-) It laid to rest some of my initial concerns. Bees are quite interesting. I'm sure you could do a whole Gospel study on the nature of bees and the symbolism involved in all that.
I checked out "Hungry Planet" from the library. Great pictures. Interesting information.
Yay for you guys
Just wanted to interject a little note here saying how much I am loving your book reviews. Keep doing this! Even if they're not books "we're" reading (I put that in quotes because I've been so negligent in reading, myself) I love hearing about them, and I'm putting them on my list to read sometime soon, and your comments and summaries always give me a lot of good things to think about! So, ladies, thank you, and I hope I'll be a better contributor at some point in the future. :)
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Why Gender Matters, Part 2 from Julia
When the Proclamation on the Family first came out I was intrigued by the line, "Gender is an essentila characteristic of individual permortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." I wondered why that line was there. Why was it so essential? Now, 15 years later, I see the extreme importance of that one line. Do any of you have the book, "Strengthening our Families: An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family?" It's a text used for a class at BYU. Anyway, after reading the Sax book I wanted to know what this book says about gender differences and importance. Here is some of what it says, in case you're interested.
"New ideologies have been mixed with older, false traditions producing ever-new confusions, beliefs, and practices that are inconsistent with the Proclamation." They listed four core ideologies:
Irrelevent gender vs. eternal gender
President Packer has stated, "Be careful lest you unknowingly foster influences and activities which tend to erase the masculine and feminine differences nature has established. A man, a father, can do much of what is usually assumed to be a woman's work. In turn, a wife and mother can do much - and in time of need, most things - usually considered the responsibility of the man, without jeopardizing their distinct roles. Even so, leaders, and especially parents, should recognize that there is a distinct masculine nature and a distinct feminine nature essential to the foundation of the home and the family." see here
"Of course, it is important to realize that marriage, parenthood, and gender as currently defined and practiced on earth does not necessarily constitute how they will be understood and experienced in the celestial realms." This sentence was particularly intriguing to me because I've often wondered about how these familial roles will carry over into the eternities. Elder Maxwell's words are comforting, "We know so little about the reasons for the division of duties between womanhood and manhood as well as between motherhood and priesthood. These were divinely determined in another time and another place."
Independence vs. Interdependence
The second ideology can lead us "to view mothering and fathering as separate endeavors with separate goals that do not overlap or intertwine and leads some parents to believe falsely that their family responsitiblities end with their distinctive stewardship. In contrast, prophets have taught that the stewardships are not mutually exclusive; for instance, fatehrs are to be involved in the daily care of the home and children, as part of their obligations to preside and provide . . . Joing responsibility and opportunity of fathers and mothesr opens to each parent almost any activity that promotes the spiritual, emotional, intellectual or physical needs of their children."
Separateness vs. oneness
The ideology of separateness vs. oneness was very interesting. The authors talk about how books like Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus may be helpful in men and women understanding one another, but too much emphasis on our gender differences can lead to separation rather than oneness. We have the tendency to label ourselves and use terms such as "boys will be boys" or excuse our behavior simply because "I'm a girl." "While the Proclamation points out that gender has a spiritual purpose and that God has given mothers and fathers specific family stewardships, it is not in accord with revealed truth that women and men come from different social planets and are elien to one another. Revelation teaches us our true origins are the same - 'near unto' Kolob (Abr. 3:2-3), where our heavenly parentes reside in celestial oneness."
Trust vs. mistrust
And last, but not least, the ideolgoy of trust vs. mistrust. For this one I'll just quote because it's so beautifully written. "In righteous, equal partnerships, wives' reliance on husbands does not imply subservience or devaluation of homemaking nor does husbands' reliance on wives imply subservience or devalution of economic providing. To define power in terms of duties performed or worldly status is wrong. Developing trust in one's spouse goes far beyond believing he or she will fulfill specific duties. Rather, it involves identifying, sharing, and appreciating each other's gifts adn stewardships and deciding together how best to implement or fulfill each set of gifts at specific points in time throughout life (italics added)."
I guess this is just giving us food for thought from our spiritual sources. It was comforting for me to read inspired thoughts, mostly because I do have a tendency to buy into the "separateness" ideology. After reading the Sax book, I was nervous that I wasn't teaching my boys and girls simply based on their gender. Somewhere in this reading they talked about how vitally important it is that we rely on spiritual guidance in these matters of gender and role division, and in instilling our children with knowledge of who they are as sons and daughters of God.
"New ideologies have been mixed with older, false traditions producing ever-new confusions, beliefs, and practices that are inconsistent with the Proclamation." They listed four core ideologies:
Irrelevent gender vs. eternal gender
President Packer has stated, "Be careful lest you unknowingly foster influences and activities which tend to erase the masculine and feminine differences nature has established. A man, a father, can do much of what is usually assumed to be a woman's work. In turn, a wife and mother can do much - and in time of need, most things - usually considered the responsibility of the man, without jeopardizing their distinct roles. Even so, leaders, and especially parents, should recognize that there is a distinct masculine nature and a distinct feminine nature essential to the foundation of the home and the family." see here
"Of course, it is important to realize that marriage, parenthood, and gender as currently defined and practiced on earth does not necessarily constitute how they will be understood and experienced in the celestial realms." This sentence was particularly intriguing to me because I've often wondered about how these familial roles will carry over into the eternities. Elder Maxwell's words are comforting, "We know so little about the reasons for the division of duties between womanhood and manhood as well as between motherhood and priesthood. These were divinely determined in another time and another place."
Independence vs. Interdependence
The second ideology can lead us "to view mothering and fathering as separate endeavors with separate goals that do not overlap or intertwine and leads some parents to believe falsely that their family responsitiblities end with their distinctive stewardship. In contrast, prophets have taught that the stewardships are not mutually exclusive; for instance, fatehrs are to be involved in the daily care of the home and children, as part of their obligations to preside and provide . . . Joing responsibility and opportunity of fathers and mothesr opens to each parent almost any activity that promotes the spiritual, emotional, intellectual or physical needs of their children."
Separateness vs. oneness
The ideology of separateness vs. oneness was very interesting. The authors talk about how books like Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus may be helpful in men and women understanding one another, but too much emphasis on our gender differences can lead to separation rather than oneness. We have the tendency to label ourselves and use terms such as "boys will be boys" or excuse our behavior simply because "I'm a girl." "While the Proclamation points out that gender has a spiritual purpose and that God has given mothers and fathers specific family stewardships, it is not in accord with revealed truth that women and men come from different social planets and are elien to one another. Revelation teaches us our true origins are the same - 'near unto' Kolob (Abr. 3:2-3), where our heavenly parentes reside in celestial oneness."
Trust vs. mistrust
And last, but not least, the ideolgoy of trust vs. mistrust. For this one I'll just quote because it's so beautifully written. "In righteous, equal partnerships, wives' reliance on husbands does not imply subservience or devaluation of homemaking nor does husbands' reliance on wives imply subservience or devalution of economic providing. To define power in terms of duties performed or worldly status is wrong. Developing trust in one's spouse goes far beyond believing he or she will fulfill specific duties. Rather, it involves identifying, sharing, and appreciating each other's gifts adn stewardships and deciding together how best to implement or fulfill each set of gifts at specific points in time throughout life (italics added)."
I guess this is just giving us food for thought from our spiritual sources. It was comforting for me to read inspired thoughts, mostly because I do have a tendency to buy into the "separateness" ideology. After reading the Sax book, I was nervous that I wasn't teaching my boys and girls simply based on their gender. Somewhere in this reading they talked about how vitally important it is that we rely on spiritual guidance in these matters of gender and role division, and in instilling our children with knowledge of who they are as sons and daughters of God.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Why Gender Matters: Julia's Response
WOW! WOW! WOW! What a great book for me to read!! I'm so glad I read this. It made me want to read his other books, one for girls and another for boys specifically. Sax is intriguing and not too technical (especially amazing considering he has an M.D. and PhD!). Even while in the middle of making strawberry jam, potty training a very clueless 3 year old, and dealing with a sick child for the past four days, I could not put this book down. Highly fascinating.
So, what struck me the most?! I took too many notes. I'll try to keep it brief:
* I'm going to start yelling at my boys more, particularly my husband! :-) I alwasy assumed they couldn't hear as well. :-) hahaha
* I now have scientific proof that I am not a neglegent parent, rather I am providing risks by which my children can gain confidence. "Sheilding kids from injury makes them more risk-averse . . . a few scrapes build character." Ha!
* Great quote: "Our greatest moment comes when we find the courage to rechristen our 'evil' as the best within us." - - Friedrich Nietzsche - - Does this relate to "make weak things become strong?"
* When girls are stressed they want to be with their friends more (or chocolate, I might add) while boys want to be left alone when they are stressed. Good point to remember.
* I was completely flabergasted when I read about the 6 year old boy, Matthew, who was on three medications by the age of six - - Ritalin, Prozac and a sedative! All because the mom didn't listen to Dr. Sax in the first place!!
* Teaching boys about literature is not about feelings! I wish I'd read this before leading a boys book group for John and his friends. Duh!! I loved what the one teacher did with Lord of the Flies and mapping out the island. I wish I could think more like THAT!!! "Most boys prefer to read about strong maile characters who take dramatic action to change their world." True! Loved that description!
* "The first priority of schools must be EDUCATION. Social engineering comes second." And yet what do people usually ask or talk about when they find out we homeschool?! Hmmmmm......
* Another quote on education that I loved: "The great mission of education is to enable every child to fulfill their potential, to discover that corner of the field of knowledge they can call their own. Almost every hcild is a gifted child, I believe. The trick is to discover where your child's talents lie."
* I found it interesting that girls underestimate their academic abilities whie boys think they're smarter than they really are! After reading that I looked back at my high school experience and realize just how true that is! I was completely programmed that I did not like physics and did not need to go beyond what was the minimum requirement in math. I'm surprised I made it into BYU!
* I loved the part about how a man's dependency on emotional connection later in life is soley with their wife or girlfriend while women have many other sources of emotional connectedness. That was tender for me to think about my husband in that light.
* It was refreshing to hear that premarital and frequent sex does not only affect the female in the situation. I also have to admit that the chapter on sexual relations was very, very disturbing for me. I grew up in a very naive world. And though I would hope the same for my kids (in a sense) I know that it's not probable. There's so much scum out there! grrr..... Made me nervous for my girls! I loved all the differences between how to combat and protect our children.
* "Share with your daughters your way of coping wiht stress so they can learn how to handle their own." I liked how Sax kept going back to the "look in the mirror" principle. What am I doing that might lead to my girls having lower self-confidance and pushing them to give in to drugs and sex. "You can't discipline your child if you can't discipline yourself."
* One of my favorite quotes: "Most 15 year old boys are not sensible people. They are 15 year old boys." I think I still have my head in the sand here a little bit, not fully understanding how a boy's brain works. My husband keeps warning me! :-)
* LOVED the chapter on DISCIPLINE! "A well-run family is not a democracy." How many times I've found myself doing just what he's telling us not to do . . . Negotiation! Not an option at my kids' age, really."Negotiation subverts the process of moral internalization." This is the one chapter I'm going to have my husband read. "Your job is not to maximize your child's pleasure, but to broaden her horizons."
* Ironic that a society that condemns spanking condones medication!
* "Being a real man means using your strength in the service of others . . . Being a real woman is who you are inside." I want my kids to fully understand these two statements!!
* With this gender confusion, we are actually lacking in guiding our children to adulthood! Wow! I know that a lot of this research has to do with the growing number of divorce and single-parenthood. It makes sense. With both father and mother in the home, it's easier to teach these gender roles.
* And my final vote: SAME GENDER SCHOOLING EVERYWHERE! :-) LOL
So, what struck me the most?! I took too many notes. I'll try to keep it brief:
* I'm going to start yelling at my boys more, particularly my husband! :-) I alwasy assumed they couldn't hear as well. :-) hahaha
* I now have scientific proof that I am not a neglegent parent, rather I am providing risks by which my children can gain confidence. "Sheilding kids from injury makes them more risk-averse . . . a few scrapes build character." Ha!
* Great quote: "Our greatest moment comes when we find the courage to rechristen our 'evil' as the best within us." - - Friedrich Nietzsche - - Does this relate to "make weak things become strong?"
* When girls are stressed they want to be with their friends more (or chocolate, I might add) while boys want to be left alone when they are stressed. Good point to remember.
* I was completely flabergasted when I read about the 6 year old boy, Matthew, who was on three medications by the age of six - - Ritalin, Prozac and a sedative! All because the mom didn't listen to Dr. Sax in the first place!!
* Teaching boys about literature is not about feelings! I wish I'd read this before leading a boys book group for John and his friends. Duh!! I loved what the one teacher did with Lord of the Flies and mapping out the island. I wish I could think more like THAT!!! "Most boys prefer to read about strong maile characters who take dramatic action to change their world." True! Loved that description!
* "The first priority of schools must be EDUCATION. Social engineering comes second." And yet what do people usually ask or talk about when they find out we homeschool?! Hmmmmm......
* Another quote on education that I loved: "The great mission of education is to enable every child to fulfill their potential, to discover that corner of the field of knowledge they can call their own. Almost every hcild is a gifted child, I believe. The trick is to discover where your child's talents lie."
* I found it interesting that girls underestimate their academic abilities whie boys think they're smarter than they really are! After reading that I looked back at my high school experience and realize just how true that is! I was completely programmed that I did not like physics and did not need to go beyond what was the minimum requirement in math. I'm surprised I made it into BYU!
* I loved the part about how a man's dependency on emotional connection later in life is soley with their wife or girlfriend while women have many other sources of emotional connectedness. That was tender for me to think about my husband in that light.
* It was refreshing to hear that premarital and frequent sex does not only affect the female in the situation. I also have to admit that the chapter on sexual relations was very, very disturbing for me. I grew up in a very naive world. And though I would hope the same for my kids (in a sense) I know that it's not probable. There's so much scum out there! grrr..... Made me nervous for my girls! I loved all the differences between how to combat and protect our children.
* "Share with your daughters your way of coping wiht stress so they can learn how to handle their own." I liked how Sax kept going back to the "look in the mirror" principle. What am I doing that might lead to my girls having lower self-confidance and pushing them to give in to drugs and sex. "You can't discipline your child if you can't discipline yourself."
* One of my favorite quotes: "Most 15 year old boys are not sensible people. They are 15 year old boys." I think I still have my head in the sand here a little bit, not fully understanding how a boy's brain works. My husband keeps warning me! :-)
* LOVED the chapter on DISCIPLINE! "A well-run family is not a democracy." How many times I've found myself doing just what he's telling us not to do . . . Negotiation! Not an option at my kids' age, really."Negotiation subverts the process of moral internalization." This is the one chapter I'm going to have my husband read. "Your job is not to maximize your child's pleasure, but to broaden her horizons."
* Ironic that a society that condemns spanking condones medication!
* "Being a real man means using your strength in the service of others . . . Being a real woman is who you are inside." I want my kids to fully understand these two statements!!
* With this gender confusion, we are actually lacking in guiding our children to adulthood! Wow! I know that a lot of this research has to do with the growing number of divorce and single-parenthood. It makes sense. With both father and mother in the home, it's easier to teach these gender roles.
* And my final vote: SAME GENDER SCHOOLING EVERYWHERE! :-) LOL
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