Thoughts on a Book Review

I recently read this book review: http://squaretwo.org/Sq2ArticleHudsonMcBaine.html by Valerie Hudson and I have some thoughts.

First, the book Hudson is reviewing is Women at Church by Neylan McBaine.  I have not read the book--just the review!  My thoughts are only about the review and whatever else I've been thinking about.  I would like to read the book some time in the future, though.  It looks really interesting.

I have come to a few conclusions about the new buzz around women in the church.  First, I believe there are really only three camps.  One camp is the incredibly small group that actually think women should be ordained.  Another camp is probably by far the largest--those women who feel like the status quo is just fine and don't see much need for anything to change.  The third camp (where I find myself) believes that women do not need ordination but that our current church culture does not always live up to church doctrine.

This book is written by a woman who also falls into that third camp.  Plus, the reviewer is Valerie Hudson so I was predisposed toward the review and the book.  Now all my biases are out in the open.

Another conclusion I have reached, and I feel this is important, is that the discussion about women swirling around the church is not really about ordination.  It also doesn't indicate a lack of faith in Christ or church leaders or anything like that.  Really, at its core, it is a discussion about motherhood.  Is motherhood really all that and a bag of chips--our legitimate major focus and the center of our natures, or is it something pawned off on women by men so they can do more interesting things than clean up poo and vomit.  Motherhood is the center of this debate--not ordination.

We already know that our culture treats motherhood as a lesser calling or merely supplemental to the real contribution of women, but are LDS women starting to feel the same?  Heaven knows there are days I have grave doubts about it all.

If you don't pick up the Sheri Dew book about priesthood for any other reason, pick it up to read her chapter on motherhood.  She starts by saying, "Prophets have taught the doctrine of motherhood again and again.  And it is doctrine (her own emphasis, not mine)."  Remember a few years ago when Kami told me I shouldn't call it the doctrine on motherhood because people automatically switched off when I did?  Well, ha.  Is that the problem then?  A lack of understanding that motherhood IS doctrine and what exactly the doctrine is?  Or is it, in general, a lack of desire to be mothers and put in the grueling days necessary?  Or is it really an authentic belief that men could do "mothering" just as well as women and we should share our roles and responsibilities in a more egalitarian fashion because women's natures are not fundamentally different than men's natures?

What is causing the disconnect?

Sister Dew doesn't appear to be conflicted.  "Motherhood is divine, eternal, and core to the nature of every woman.  When we understand the magnitude of motherhood, it becomes clear why prophets have been so protective of woman's most sacred and divinely appointed role."  (pg. 141)

But that isn't news to me.  I've felt that way my whole life and feel constantly the need to preach motherhood.  The doctrine of motherhood has shaped every major life decision I've ever made.

So here I am, planted firmly in the camp that thinks our church culture needs to catch up to doctrine and that women need to accept that things aren't perfect in Zion and quit telling other women to get over it if they've felt marginalized, but also staunchly in favor of traditional roles.  I actually think our traditional roles are divine.  It appears a contradictory position.

Here's another dilemma.  How do church leaders figure out what changes to make to our culture?  It is worse than an anthill--it's like a pit of vipers.  One misstep and bam.

For example, I have read a lot recently about women who want to be more actively involved in their baby's blessings.  For some women, holding their baby during the blessing feels like the right answer.  To me it feels like a slap in the face to the mother.  As though someone who grew a body for a spirit child of God needs to be involved in the baby blessing to feel important!  It is ludicrous!!  I would be offended if someone wanted me to do it.  Since I, as the MOTHER, acted as a Savior by allowing that Spirit Child of God to progress from pre-mortal life to mortal life and procure a body, I don't need any token involvement in the blessing.  It would be too much of a come-down--a gesture that shows a lack of respect and understanding of what I did for that child.

But other women totally don't agree with me and think that by not allowing mothers to be involved in the blessing the mothers are being demeaned.

This is just one issue!  Imagine the multiplicity of feelings other women may have on this one issue!  It is mind boggling.

To sum up.  Read the book review.  It was good food for thought.  Second, remind me again how converted I am to motherhood because now that I've hit last trimester it is really, really hard to remember why I do this.  :)

Marilyn,
Thanks for sharing that article.  I gave it a brief run-through and thought it was pretty interesting, so I'm hoping to give it some more attention.
I am glad that the author didn't try to minimize motherhood!  I know my young women think motherhood is not a fair "power" or stewardship, so I'm constantly on the hunt for ideas on how to help them process that motherhood is not a negative.  A big part of that is just immaturity, but hopefully some hearts can be softened.

Marilyn

Marilyn,

I didn't want you to think that the article you shared hasn't been appreciated.  Kami and I talked about it on the phone and Timothy and I talked about it last night.  He hasn't read it yet, but he's planning on it.  I'm so glad you linked it!

Response to Marilyn

Alright, it is 11:21 and I feel like I've been hit by a tidal wave of exhaustion, so I will not comment extensively.  I read both articles you posted plus several of the links and I have a LOT to say.  I will post more about that later.

One thing I would like to touch on: I linked to the review of Sister Dew's book, and I have been feeling exactly like the reviewer.  WHY did Sister Dew feel the need to say she "isn't a feminist"?  Why, why, why???  Especially after she spent pages talking about "how far women have come" and the opportunities women have now that they didn't use to have.  It was such a slap in the face and felt so ungrateful. Yep, we're glad that so much progress has been made but we won't acknowledge the incredible women who fought for it.  I was truly disappointed and wish she hadn't brought it up if she isn't comfortable with the term.

Also, I too have been totally bugged by the complete lack of references to Heavenly Mother.  Since our Heavenly Mother is our MOTHER, first of all, and the embodiment of who we might become, second of all, you would think she'd be worthy of an honorable mention in the book.  How hard is it to include Her in statements like, "Heavenly Father created his daughters and loves them."  (I made up that sentence, but there were lots of pages about that topic.)  If you aren't going to say Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother then at least say God, which is understood to be both Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother.  I have been totally bugged by this so far in my reading.

Not that I haven't enjoyed the book so far.  Sister Dew has some awesome stuff to say, but she said at the beginning that she'll be criticized (sorry, Sister Dew!) by some for not going far enough (me) and criticized by others for going too far.  She's probably right.  :)

What always strikes me in these discussions about women's spiritual power and role is that I've never felt marginalized, even though I think about these issues a lot.  I've been angry about a lot of things, but not marginalized.  I've always had a profound respect for motherhood and womanhood (probably why I've studied these things) and it still surprises me when I find out how many women don't feel equal to a priesthood-holding man.  Mind-boggling.  The only thing I'll touch on here about the article, Marilyn, is that none of it sounded foreign or far-fetched or like she was clutching at straws.  I just wish I could preach it.

Also, I was really bugged at first when Elder Oaks referred to the Relief Society as an "appendage" as I thought it was rather patronizing, but after much pondering I came to the conclusion that since Relief Society isn't our primary responsibility in the world, that Elder Oaks was correct and not patronizing.  This article further clarifies that for me.

Good night.

PS  If this baby is a boy I really want to name him Badger Marion.  Timothy is not on board and I haven't told the name to many people because I haven't wanted to hear about it.  But of three people I've told, two have LOVED it.  Sincerely.  So, now I feel better.  Timothy calls him Baby Aardvark, which makes me laugh.  We're not fighting about names this time.  I told him what I was naming the baby if it is a girl (Flannery Mildred) and what I was naming the baby if it is a boy (Badger Marion), and I wasn't looking for any other options.  If he wants a different name, he has to come up with it and convince me to like it.  I should have done that with all the kids.  We've had some hilarious baby-naming discussions (T-Rex, anyone?), but I haven't gotten irritated because the ball is in his court.  If only I'd done that with Emeline, I might have gotten Clementine.  Oh well, that is the only baby name fight I've lost and Emeline is a gorgeous name.

Women, priesthood, and Priesthood

I still haven't read Sheri Dew's book, but this is a great article that draws from it. I love this article because it takes several of my half-formed thoughts to their logical, and more detailed, conclusion. And her thoughts on hearing Elder Oaks' comments that "not all keys have been given to the church" (ie priesthood leaders)--mirror mine exactly. Doesn't it follow that some of the keys are given to women, not through the church priesthood structure, but through a parallel structure of "priestesshood," as she calls it? I love that. Loved Elder Oaks' talk, too.

http://squaretwo.org/Sq2ArticleCasslerOaksBallardDew.html

Read it and then tell me what you think!

 

Yes.

Great article, Andrea. Here's another one (along the same lines) I read recently and thought everyone should read. http://www.sixteensmallstones.org/apostasy-as-conspiracy-theory-reason-logic-insanity-and-mormon-intellectualism/

 

 

Me too

I've been intending to read Sheri Dew's book forever. But we all know which road is paved with good intentions. Don't we.

PS I second the "aww" about little Faith; what a sweetie!

Awwww

Kelly, Faith is adorable!  Congrats!!!!  Do order the book!

Women and the Priesthood

I've heard GREAT things about Sister Dew's book but haven't had a chance to read it yet.

Andrea - thanks for remembering our little baby!  She is here - she is actually six months old now and SO perfect.  We named her Faith Aspen.  Josh's dad said it was a hippie name (ha, - kind of).  I always wanted a Faith, and Aspen - I don't know - it just was a top contender for some weird reason even though it is not our usual style.  Josh and the kids chose the name when they met her for the first time at the hospital.

our family blog has pictures www.coastcrew2@blogspot.com
if you click over you should skim down to the post on our summer reading challenge.  There is a cool picture I found online - "these are your kids on books" - that I think you'll like.  :-)

We love our baby SO much.  Can't hardly stand it.  Part of me thinks this is our last one, but part of me is very sad at the thought of that!

I will have to order Sister Dew's book.  It would be great to have in our library.

Sister Dew's New Book

I just started reading Women and the Priesthood by Sister Dew and already I'm bubbling over with commentary.  Anyone else reading it?  Have read it? Want to read it?  Want to chat about it with me???

Are we all still alive?  Kelly, we never heard about the arrival of number 6.  Would love hear the details.  

Someone read it!!!  My hubby gets tired of this topic but I never do because I keep learning so much!!!